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Sunday, May 19, 2013


Hi everyone.
Sorry I haven't posted. Writers' block. >w<
I've been going through the blog, and there was a LOT of cussing in comments.
Yes, I know you guys are angry at some things, but...cussing isn't the way to solve it. It's rude, mean, and frankly, annoying.
When I'm on the bus going to school, I'm literally surrounded by people nearby who cuss in every single sentence they use. They cuss so much it'd take a MIRACLE for them to stop (and the bus driver never even DOES anything about it!!)
Seriously, you don't have to cuss. Putting others down and being mean to others isn't necessary. 
Now, you may think I'm being "soft" for complaining about cussing.
Like: "omg, u thnk cssin iz bad???? gt ovr it!!!"
Cussing IS bad. I'm not allowed to cuss, and I respect my parents and listen to them, so I've never said a bad word before. I'm sure some of YOU aren't allowed to cuss, but guess what?
You do it anyway. That basically means you're a bad person.
If you ARE allowed to cuss, choose a site where kids are NOT on, please.
Now, you can yell at me or call me names for being a "weenie" or whatever, but I don't care.
And if you agree with me, thanks.


Saturday, May 18, 2013

You & I are NOT Worthless

Hi Everyone!

Hah, yeah.. I'm still quitting, But I felt this post was very important to make. I guess I'll post when I feel like there's something important to talk about, but I just won't force myself to post all the time anymore >_<

So, last night (5/17/13) I was having a hard time and panicing, so I turned to Cair since he said he would always be there for me. And he was. But then we ended up talking more.. and he said something that totally appalled me.

He has said things like this in the past, but it was a surprise for him to say it yesterday when it was pretty random in the conversation. It just hurts because at one point he cared so much and meant so much, for him to say something like this now vs. a random hater that I don't even know.
No, I'm not making this as a "Let's all hate cair and talk about what a bad person he is" because he's not, he ended up apologizing soon after, but I just can't forgive him.. it's a lot to call someone worthless, especially someone you were so close to, and knew how sensitive they were.. just like.. ugh.

Okay so, on with what I'm making this post for.
I am NOT worthless.
You are NOT worthless.
NO ONE is worthless.
And NO ONE has the right to call or make another individual worthless.

God (or whoever you believe our creator is) put us in this world, on this earth, for a REASON, for a PURPOSE, not just to EXIST and wander. You are here INTENTIONALLY. You are not a MISTAKE, an ACCIDENT, (even if you were born as an accident.. you're WANTED, you were APPRECIATED, and put on this earth to LOVE, CARE, & DO GOOD.

I don't care whoever you believe in, most religions fall under what's stated above. ^

You are a HUMAN BEING. The most intelligent species on this planet. Feel proud of that. We can literally accomplish anything our brains want. How is that worthless? Look how sophisticated and thought out our body is. It is not worthless.

It doesn't matter your size/weight/height/looks/beliefs/religion or anything, it still does not mean you're worthless.

I like heavy metal music. I want piercings and tattoos. I wear band tees, ripped skinny jeans, and vans, along with whatever I want. I have stretched ears. I have depression and severe anxiety and tend to panic a lot. I have my own individual face that you may consider ugly or attractive. I am a Christian. I have done/do drugs. I self harm. I love to read and write. I love social studies. I try to inspire people. I have my own beliefs.

I am still a human being who wants to be loved.

A LOT, and I mean A LOT of people disagree and have their own opinions of what I wrote above. And honestly, Cair hates most of those statements. A lot of people hate metal and think it's satanic, a lot of people think piercings and tattoos go against their beliefs, a lot of people think stretched ears (gauges) are DISGUSTING, a lot of people think depression and anxiety is just something you can get over with and is for attention, a lot of people think I'm ugly, a lot of people don't believe in Christianity, most people are against drugs, people think self harming is just for attention, and many people hate my beliefs.

No matter WHAT your opinion on me is or your beliefs I AM still NOT worthless, and never will be.
JUST BECAUSE I'm different from you, I AM NOT worthless.

This isn't the first time I've been called this, and won't be the last.

(I'm not looking for sympathy in what I just wrote about myself above)

Honestly, Cair hated/disagreed with most things I wrote about me. Maybe that's why he said what he said, maybe he was just angry, maybe not, the world may never know.

Sure, I already have the self esteem of an ant, I already feel as though I'm worthless (Cair already knew this) but that still does not give you the right to reinforce it. (I don't need any sympathy comments)

You do not have the right to call someone worthless. They are equal to you, whether you like it or not. You can call them any name you want (although I'd rather you not) but they are still NOT worthless, and calling somebody something doesn't make you any better.

As for what to do with Cair, I don't even know.. Any advice? hah.

These worms aren't worthless, are they? They still have a purpose.

I'll try my best to reply to ALL comments!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

All great things must come to an end..


Yeah, I'm still here, kinda..

I check the blog like.. errr.. once a week or so.

So, I guess I have a lot of updating to do. 

As most of you know, I had a very long strong relationship with Cair starting in September 2012. Yes, I was debating making a long post about the story of us and how we broke up and stuff. But, I decided, that's not really anybody's business.
I'll just summarize it.
At the beginning of our relationship, everything was great. We talked for hours each day, and I ended up losing interest in my blog, trading, and video making. Everything was great for months, we got married on 12/12/12. But, the last few months were HELL. Fighting a lot. Saying hurtful things. And we eventually split around two weeks ago. We don't talk, but we don't hate eachother. It wasn't a painful divorce, it was just a regular divorce. No one's feelings were really hurt.

Thank you all so much for 100,000 views. This is a dream come true. I'm truly honored, even though I haven't posted consistently in around nine months.

Thank you for always being there, listening to me rant, supporting me, defending me, and teaching me.

I've learned a lot from AJ, About being myself, working at things I really want, dreams can come true, you're never truly alone, finding yourself, and that nothing lasts forever.

I've had a hell of experience on here. Honestly, I've had everyone's dream, I don't mean to brag. From rarity fame, youtube fame, blogging fame, dating fame, and all that shnazz.

Yes, this means an end. An end I'm ready for. An end that we've all been expecting for the past few months. This time, I'm ready. I go on AJ every now and then to visit, but more so I mean this blog. Authors, you don't have to post anymore if you don't want to, but you can. I will not be posting anymore, unless something big comes up. I'm sorry, but it's time, and we all know it. Thanks for being avid readers, and always supporting me and giving me something to look forward too.

A lot of you have been wondering about how I'm doing. And I'm just going to be honest, but not get into personal details. This year has hit me hard. I've gone through a lot in my personal life. Drugs, drama, depression, and such. It's all getting too much, though I hope you guys don't worry.

(If you ever need to contact me you can add me on Skype which I'm on almost everyday, although I'm undecided wether I'll be quitting that: goldfishypuppy
I don't usually voice chat or video chat, but you can instant message me. You can also email me at animaljamgoldfish@aol.com, though I only check that every few months and will probably stop checking it.)

I love you all, thanks so much for all you've done.

Here's a poem that goes out to Cair, My friends, Animal Jam, Bullies, Readers, and everyone else on AJ that has touched me in a good and bad way:

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet, and perhaps so are you.
But the roses are wilted, the violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty and your wrists are stained red.
The sun isn't shining, the sky's no longer clear. There's no silver lining, now that you're not here.
The rain keeps on pouring, there's no end in sight. You're laying there motionless, so far from the light.
Your beauty is unreal, your smile is the sun. But time can't be turned nor your actions undone.
The words you wrote before I read, "I love you so much, please don't cry when I'm dead."
A love that we formed, a bond that ran deep. A pain that we shared, a friend I could keep.
I wanted to hold you and wipe the tears from your eyes. Be there the moment you said your goodbye.
I must go now, for there are tears on my face and memories in my head. The roses are wilted and the flowers are dead. 

Oh and here's one of my favorite special songs, that idk.. I just feel like putting in here:



Oh god, I'm crying now.

***UPDATE: Uhm, yeah. I'm quitting Skype. People suck.***


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